Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Ocarina's a Crime...

So, a quick rant from The Curmudgeonly Gamer -

Today, I received my copy of The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time 3D in the mail (three days after its release date..."THANKS, Gamestop Expedited Shipping!!!" NOT!!!), and I have to say, while at first I was impressed, I have nearly thrown my 3DS across the room in frustration and annoyance.

I have four primary gripes about the game:

1.)  The game was already polygonal and had the appearance of late-90s 3D.  Upping the resolution to make it 3D doesn't really "add" anything to the game...although it doesn't subtract anything, either.  Or, does it?  Yes...the cut scenes are awesome in 3D (in a janky stereoscopic kind of way), but the game was already "viewed" with a 3D aspect thanks to fantastic art by the N64 artists.  Now, objects fly AT you and obscure the screen in a way that makes it not only annoying, but downright frightening at times.

2.) The Circle Pad motion controls are (excuse my French) a f**king travesty.  First of all, the Circle Pad is poorly calibrated to begin with; the previous games designed to use it for motion had designers who were smart enough to realize that people LIKE the D-Pad when they need specific directional movement.  The Circle Pad offers no such movement.  F**k that noise.

3.) While at first I thought the neat trick whereby when you move the 3DS, the screen moves with it in targeting mode was cool, I now realize after twenty minutes of trying to win a target game that was previously simple, that it f**king sucks!  Are you kidding me?  It basically just randomly selects where to start you on the screen, and then, you have to use the freaking Circle Pad to readjust the starting point, which then makes moving the screen via motion control even more awkward as you try to move your arms around and up and down to get it to go where you want, and then, after all that f**king work, you can't see the goddamned screen because the stereoscopic 3D aspect is fucked up because it's not directly in front of your face!

Really...this game is very poorly redone.  Great smoothing of the graphics, but otherwise in NO WAY worth the money.